


Road Trip!

by judyhard1ng, Kippysaurus, orphan_account, romajstorovic



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Attempt at Humor, Comic Con jokes, Cross-Country - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lazer Tag baby, Lots of America references, M/M, Q being a bastard again, Quests, Time Travel, Worf being a funny bastard, Written by two Americans, Written by two British people, finding an artifact
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judyhard1ng/pseuds/judyhard1ng, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kippysaurus/pseuds/Kippysaurus, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/romajstorovic/pseuds/romajstorovic
Summary: "Picard tensed. 'Q, what are you saying?'Q grinned. 'Remember how I said twenty first century?'Picard’s mouth dropped open. 'Q, you can’t! You’d be essentially breaking the Prime Directive! We can’t possibly interfere with their culture; we could accidentally reveal things from the future!'Q sighed, giving Picard a look that he didn’t especially want to describe. 'The Museum of Science, Boston. The saber toothed tiger fossil. I’ll know when you have it.' Picard opened his mouth to protest yet again, but his vision became burning white, then overwhelming black.-x-After Q sends them back a couple centuries on an artifact hunt, the crew of the Enterprise gets a little more than they bargained for when they end up a little further from their goal than they expected. A cross-country road trip ensues. WE have gays! We have angst! We have jokes! (kinda.) We have lazer tag! And lots of the 50 states! So hop in our van!
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Deanna Troi, Data/Geordi La Forge, Jean-Luc Picard/Q
Comments: 17
Kudos: 56





	Road Trip!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This was written by four Star Trek nerds who have lots of time on their hands, lots of ideas, and lots of chaotic voice calls. It all started when one of us said, "I haven't watched the one with the whales." From there a TNG time travel seed was born, and we somehow managed to put it on paper. We hope you enjoy! :)

It was always a normal day on the Enterprise whenever Q showed up. That’s what annoyed Picard so much. There was always something to do on the ship, dealing with new life forms or diplomatic delegations or something happening to one of his crew. So when the normal day came, a day to relax, maybe map a few stars, was a day that Picard would relish. But when a familiar splash of white light illuminated the Bridge, Q appearing from behind it, Picard scowled. He  _ knew _ things had been too quiet today.

“Picard. Why are you frowning?” The deep baritone of Q’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

“I’m sure you know by now,  _ Q _ , that your antics are not amusing to me! I believe I have banned you from my ship numerous times!”

Q chuckled and leaned back in the chair where Will Riker would usually be sitting. He crossed his legs and looked at Picard in a decidedly flirtatious manner. “Oh, Picard. You trivial desires mean nothing to me!” His laughter rippled across the bridge. Of  _ course _ none of the senior staff were there. Picard never had any good luck dealing with Q.

Normally, Picard could use the power of numbers. Everyone yelling at Q was effective enough to shut him up sometimes. But alone, he stood no chance. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. “Q, what do you want?” Q shifted in the seat, and a small grin found its way to Picard’s face. “Q, don’t be shy,” he said, mocking the condescending manner Q had used with him just a few sentences earlier.

A dark scowl passed over Q’s face. “Don’t patronize me, Jean-Luc!” He sighed and then said, “I need your help. I...left a weapon on Earth. 21st century.” Picard frowned.

“What kind of weapon?”

Q flapped his hands. “Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head about  _ that _ . But it needs to be recovered. It’s very dangerous, and if humans on Earth discover it, it could have disastrous consequences.”

“Well then Q, we’ll make a rendezvous to Earth soon.”

Q grimaced. “Oh, Picard, you think it would be that easy? I’m afraid you’ll have to travel a little further than that.”

Picard tensed. “Q, what are you saying?”

Q grinned. “Remember how I said twenty  _ first _ century?”

Picard’s mouth dropped open. “Q, you can’t! You’d be essentially breaking the Prime Directive! We can’t possibly interfere with their culture; we could accidentally reveal things from the future!”

Q sighed, giving Picard a look that he didn’t especially want to describe. “The Museum of Science, Boston. The saber toothed tiger fossil. I’ll know when you have it.” Picard opened his mouth to protest yet again, but his vision became burning white, then overwhelming black.

-x-

Picard opened his eyes, and groaned. He sat up groggily, and looked around. He was in a small room... That was strange. He jolted up with a start, remembering. The room was tiny, containing a bed, television, two doors, and a closet.

What was even more unsettling was the fact that he wasn’t alone. Beverly, Deanna, and Geordi were unconscious on the carpeted floor, all clad, as he was, in their Starfleet uniforms. Data was propped upright in the closet, and Worf and Will were in the bed, also in uniform, their arms wrapped around each other. Picard blinked, trying to get the white light out of his eyes. 

Beverly and Worf were the first to stir. When Worf realized who was around him, he shoved Will’s arms off him with a grunt, causing Will to wake as well. Data suddenly jolted upright, kicking Deanna in the hip and causing her to come around. Geordi was adjusting his VISOR while Picard watched, helpless.

_ Of course Q wouldn’t send just me,  _ he mused _. But where are we? And who will run the Enterprise while we’re gone? _

“Captain,” Will said, audibly confused. “What happened?”

Picard sighed and merely said, “Q.” A collective groan came from the crew except from Beverly, who was by the window. She wasn’t moving.

“Jean-Luc…” Her voice trembled slightly, her eyes fixed on the scene before her.

The senior staff tried to all crowd around the window as Will pulled the curtain back. Gasps filled the air. Outside their window was a paved street stretching in both directions, buildings lining the other side as close together as buildings could be. But what Beverly was staring at, what they were all staring at, were the  _ cars. _ Speeding down the street _ , incredibly _ fast were cars! 

Humans were walking on the streets, talking into things they were holding up to their ears. People yelled at each other, horns honked, and then with a clang of bells, a box slid down the hill on some sort of track. Deanna and Worf were utterly baffled. They had no idea what was in front of them; Earth history wasn’t really important for Klingons or Betazoids. 

The rest knew enough about Earth history to know what cars were, but the shock was still hitting them in waves. Picard muttered to himself, “He actually did it.”

“Did what?” Deanna asked, reading the anger and fear radiating from her captain. Fear was a feeling that she rarely received from him, and that coupled with the strange moving metal things on the ground made her concern grow, her stomach twisting with panic. 

Picard’s voice was hard. “Staff meeting.” He glanced around the cramped room and awkwardly sank into the bed. Will sat on his left, and the remaining crew sat on the floor in a semicircle. He felt at least three decades older. “Q approached me on the bridge today. He said that he had left a weapon on earth, disguised as a... a saber tooth tiger fossil? And... he said he left it in the twenty-first century.”

There was silence as they processed this, and then Data spoke up. “If Q left a weapon on Earth, it would have greatly accelerated the progression of society.”

Geordi chuckled, “It looks like we have to find it then. It could cause a time paradox otherwise.”

Beverly was quiet. “If we don’t, the humans find it and Earth’s history changes. We could be wiped from existence.” 

Deanna frowned. “So we’ve already found it in the future because of the way Earth progressed to space travel, but Q sent us back to find it to make sure that we find it?” She moved back to the bed, and folded her knees up to her chest.

Picard rubbed his head. He knew a migraine was on its way. “Exactly, Beverly. Q can see all of time and space, so he knows that we find it in the past and secure the future. But for that to happen, he had to send us back. It’s like a loop.”

“And if we don’t find it….” Will trailed off. The rest of the crew stared at him; the ramifications of why they were there settling heavily on their minds. None of them liked to consider what would happen if they weren’t successful. 

“Well, where are we, then?” Geordi said, looking out the window again. It looked like any other Earth city from the twenty-first century, with tall buildings, bustling people, and hundreds upon hundreds of cars. 

Picard looked over at him. “Q said the Museum of Science, Boston. What’s Boston?” 

Beverly grinned, and said, “my parents used to visit New Cape Cod, and they would go through what used to be Boston. It’s a part of Manhattan now, after the New York Expansion of 2245, but if this is the twenty-first century, then Boston should still be there. It’s in….oh, God, America still has all 50 states, doesn’t it?”

“I think it’s in Massachusetts? Before the New York Expansion and the Delaware growth, Massachusetts was its own state,” Will said.

“Well then! We must form a plan,” Picard said decisively. “We find this Museum and the fossil, and be returned to the ship. We need to ask for directions.” Internally, he was sure it wouldn’t be that easy. He opened the door to reveal a dingy hallway, with two metal doors at the end. The senior staff spilled out into the hallway, making their way down in pairs. Worf and Will ended up in front, and Worf walked into the doors, smashing into them with a nasty clang.

“This turbolift is broken.” He glanced around the hall with malice and snarled, “this place is unacceptable to host warriors.” Will burst out laughing and pressed the button next to the doors, winking at Worf. The Klingon’s scowl deepened. The others, despite the daunting task ahead of them, started to laugh too, causing Worf to fold his arms and growl.

The doors finally slid open, and the seven jammed themselves into the elevator, limbs touching and brushing as they all tried to fit. In the end, short, little Deanna was shoved in the corner, any view of hers blocked by Beverly, who was just behind Geordi and Worf. Will was by the numbered buttons, Picard was trapped exactly in the middle, Data pressed up against him. 

Will started examining the numbers, and the crew shifted uncomfortably. Picard was somewhat uncomfortable noticing up close just how perfectly combed every strand of Data’s hair was. It was a little eerie. 

Beverly, meanwhile, was trying to maintain her normal stoic attitude, but it was hard when she was pressed so intimately against Deanna. Everyone was jammed together, but the way their two bodies fit perfectly together made her swallow hard and tell herself that it was nothing, and that Deanna was just as squished.

Deanna was trying hard to avert her gaze from Beverly’s hips, telling herself this was a  _ colleague _ . She and Beverly had always been quite close, so why was she suddenly so uncomfortable being this close to her? And it didn’t help that people’s nervousness was spiking.

The silence was broken by Data saying, “most of your heart rates and respiratory cycles increased by seventy five percent. Is everyone feeling alright?” Deanna had never wanted to slap him before.

No one said anything, and Data said, “No one is at a health risk. I still thought you should be aware.”

Will broke the following uncomfortable silence when he said, “I think I push one? Unlike ships, the decks, or ‘floors,’ are numbered from one upwards instead of one downwards.” 

He pushed the one, and with a jolt, the elevator started its descent downwards. It was much less smooth than the turbolifts, and so everyone crashed into one another. Deanna laughed as she watched it happen, grateful that being shoved into the back corner meant she was next to the handrails.

It took a few seconds for everyone to regain their balance, but the elevator made its way down to a hotel lobby. Picard recognized it as such, having been in several during the time between his last ship assignment and becoming captain of the Enterprise. A few incredibly boring meetings with Admirals on Earth in San Francisco had led him to some equally boring places.

Picard tried to think about twenty-first century history. What part of it were they in? It was clearly pre-World War Three, which would put it in the earlier half, before even Zephram Cochrane invented the warp drive. He wasn’t sure what country they were in - although, since Q, and then Beverly - had mentioned Boston, it was likely the United States. _ Early 21st century, _ he pondered.  _ Before or after the Bell Riots? _ Then, Geordi pushed him out of the elevator. 

“Captain. The door is closing.” Geordi whispered politely. 

“Ah. Yes. Uh.” He shook his head to clear his thought. “Who should we ask around here for directions?” 

“Good question.” said Will. Deanna looked around, then ushered the group over to a corner in the lobby. The area was not very full, merely a bored desk-jockey at the front, and two people holding small PADDs to their faces sitting on benches. 

“I don’t think we’ll need to ask for directions, and make ourselves look suspicious. Those things-” Deanna said, gesturing to the devices the people were holding, “must be prototypes for PADDs. Maybe we can get one.”

Picard considered it, but it was hard to think of anything other than the Starfleet-Prime Directive alarm bells sounding in his head. 

“Data.” said Beverly, “What do you know about the 21st century?”

Data opened his mouth, then Beverly held up her finger to tell him to stop. “Actually, let’s find out  _ when _ we are. If Data recited everything we knew about the 21st century, we’d be here until we wouldn’t need to learn anything.” Worf put a hand to his face. 

“Around the Bell Riots.” Picard piped up. “I can’t tell if before or after, but somewhere around there.” 

“Makes enough sense.” said Will. “Twenty-first century...not my strong suit in history.”

The others visibly agreed. “Data.” said Picard. Data looked at him. “Do you think you could determine  _ when  _ exactly we are, based on the technology people have?”

Data tilted his head for a moment, then appeared to have an answer. “If we could walk down the street, I could surmise our surroundings and setting.” 

“I’ll go with you.” said Geordi. Taking another look around the lobby, Geordi and Data walked to the exit of the lobby. 

The bored person from behind the desk eventually acknowledged the other five. “Look, if you’re in like, cosplay for something, this is the wrong hotel. The one for the convention is down the street.” 

Thinking quickly, Will said, “I can’t believe we’re in the wrong one! Let’s go, guys. Thank you so much, ma’am, we would have been so lost!” He smiled uncomfortably, hoping the others would get the message and head outside. They did, thankfully, and they all exited the building. 

Worf instantly found Geordi and Data, and he pointed them out to the rest of the group. He got a stare from a passerby at his forehead, but they looked back at their PADD and kept walking. 

“We’ll get you something to cover your forehead. It’s…” said Deanna, she paused for the right word. “Insulting to think humans were once this...prejudiced.” Will gave him a supportive pat on the back.

By then, Data and Geordi had returned. “Captain,” Data began. Picard looked at him. “I have surmised it is before the Bell Riots, and I have narrowed it down to one decade- the 2010s.”

“Excellent.” said Picard. 

“Did this decade have that probe? Because I know there’s a probe that launches around now that winds up near Betazed.” said Beverly. Deanna took a moment to remember the probe, then nodded her head.

“This decade is characterized by the intense focus of social change, mobile ‘phone’ technology, the use of screens-” 

“That’s enough, Data.” 

“Yes, Captain.”

Picard took a moment to look at the street. He coughed, smelling the emissions from passing cars. He’d learned in the Academy that the Earth developed dangerously high carbon dioxide levels, and that that significant change toward global warming didn’t start until almost a decade after the Bell Riots. He could tell the difference, the air was dirty, especially considering they were in what seemed to be a highly-populated city. 

Lost in his thoughts, Picard didn’t notice Data (or anyone else, for that matter) walking away from him and investigating some part of this strange new world. 

Across the street, Beverly and Deanna were talking to a man who seemed to own a ‘smart-phone store’. Picard had no idea what a ‘smart-phone’ was, but he presumed it was one of the prototype PADDs that everybody was carrying around. They would be useful for communication, if nothing else. The man was tall and was leaning against the door of his store in an impeccably crisp suit. The store had what looked like an apple decorated on the glass. 

Deanna looked up at the man. “Hi. Uh, can we get a smartphone?” 

The man chuckled at her and Beverly whispered, “Deanna, we need money.” 

The man gave them a strange look and said, “Look, if you two are like, performers or something, I know some good theatres that’ll pay you. They love street performers. If not, can you decide whether you’re coming in?”

Deanna and Beverly looked at each other and shrugged, stepping inside the store. It was small, with a few more people dressed in suits standing at counters. There were tables in the center crowded with the tiny rectangular PADDs everyone was using, but on another table were...PADDs?

“Beverly, look, they have PADDs?”

“You’re interested in an iPad? I thought you ladies wanted a phone?”

They exchanged looks of confusion and Deanna asked, “an...iPad? What does the ‘I’ stand for?” The man sneered at her and said, “I don’t know if this is some sort of cosplay prank from Comic Con, but do you want to see our options or not?”

Beverly plastered a smile on her face. “Yes, she likes to joke sometimes. We’d like to look.” She flashed Deanna a real smile and linked their arms as the man started showing them all the various PADDs, which they learned were called iPhones, iPads, and iPods. 

After a few item tours, Deanna realized that the symbol she was seeing everywhere, “$,” represented their currency. She leaned over to Beverly and whispered, “Bev, how are we going to get this?”

Beverly frowned and whispered back, “I don’t know, but the cheapest one is called the iPhone 6. Let’s try to remember that.” Deanna nodded and the two waited for the lengthy spiel about AirPods to end before Beverly said, “Uh, thank you sir. I don’t think we’ll be purchasing today.” 

The man stared at them in confusion as Beverly added, “Do you have scissors I could borrow?” The man grumbled something and went behind a counter, pulling out a pair from a drawer. Beverly turned to Deanna and said, “Cut off my sleeves, Dee. It’s miserably hot.” Deanna complied, carefully slicing the uniform sleeves off at the shoulder. Beverly returned the favor, and handed the scissors back to a now very disturbed looking salesman.

As they stepped out onto the street, Deanna muttered, “Humans are quite rude.” Beverly threw a playful punch in her direction, and she said, “Manners have alway been a...difficult skill.” Deanna threw her head back and laughed loudly, and the two started to walk over to where Picard was standing to share what they had learned, tossing their sleeves in a trash bin on the way.

Meanwhile, Data and Geordi were staring at a box which had ATM written on the side. “I recognize this machine. These used to dispense money to humans after they put in a code.” 

Geordi glanced around to make sure Picard couldn't hear him before saying, “Data. The world during this time  _ revolved _ around money. Do you think… I don’t know, that you could access someone’s money?” 

Data looked as affronted as possible for an android and said, “Geordi, we cannot steal from someone. We could alter history. Besides, stealing is not morally correct.”

Geordi licked his lips. “Data, only a few dollars. We’re gonna need it to survive.” 

Data shook his head with a small frown and said, “No, Geordi. We will find another way to get currency.” Geordi shook his head slightly, and the two stepped away from the ATM. 

Worf was examining a car stopped around 6 ft away. His face was more wrinkled than it normally was with frustration. He could not understand how the machine would be effective. The four wheels were made of a flimsy substance, and they would probably get stuck on the ground with even the littlest of obstacles.

The seats inside looked too small for a mighty warrior to sit in, and it had a large wheel inside. He growled quietly as Will plopped down on the sidewalk, saying, “What’s wrong, Worf?”

“This vehicle. It does not seem efficient.”

“Well, Worf, you know humans took a long time to get to where we are today.” Worf frowned and leaned against a telephone post. 

“This planet is very crowded. So many people and vehicles and devices.”

“That’s Earth, Worf.” Will let out a dry chuckle and wiped his forehead, grimacing at the layer of sweat that came off. “It’s hot as the devil here. Why couldn’t our artifact be in Alaska?” Will looked up at Worf and said, “Come help me.”

He indicated where Worf should grab his sleeve and said, “On three, rip as hard as you can.” Will counted down and the two yanked, ripping Will’s sleeve off at the shoulder. They quickly did the same with the other sleeve, tossing both in a trash can and making their way over to Picard.

Following Worf and Will’s lead, Picard internally agreed that it was too hot for his Starfleet outfit, and ripped off the sleeves. 

“Transportation. We need transportation,” he said, as they approached him. 

“I have observed the primitive transportation of this era. It is likely we will need currency,” stated Worf. 

“I figured as such.” said Picard. He looked at Geordi and Data by an ATM.

“Mr. Data, Mr. LaForge.” The pair looked up. “Over here,” Picard called.

Looking at his crew members, Picard asked, “currency and transportation. What do we know?” 

Geordi spoke up. “Data and I found a... money machine. But it all belongs to other people.” 

Picard wrinkled his nose at the thought of stealing people’s money. “Hmm. Is there anything else we could possibly do?” 

Data said, “only getting a steady job would provide sufficient funding. That would take weeks to accomplish, even without having to pay rent for a place to sleep.”

“We don’t have weeks, dammit!” Picard snapped. The crew flinched and were silent, unsure what to say. Picard was frustrated, frustrated at Q, frustrated at how society had regressed in front of him, frustrated that they weren’t just dropped at the museum. 

As if summoned to fill the silence, Deanna and Beverly approached the group. “Ah, Jean-Luc, I see you had the same idea with the sleeves!” She chuckled seeing his jaggedly ripped sleeves and asked, “What did you do, rip them with your teeth?”

“What did you do, Bev?” Countered Will, starting to turn red-faced from the heat. 

“We just asked for scissors,” Beverly said. From the way that Deanna was holding her hand in front of her mouth, it was clear she was trying not to laugh as well. 

Picard glared at them again. “Let’s focus on the briefing, shall we? We’re discussing currency and transportation.”

Deanna looked at all of them with a smirk, her readings full of anxiety and fear. She couldn’t ignore that she herself was terrified, terrified of a planet that was a cesspool of emotions, screaming in her head like a thousand voices. Betazed was one thing, but Earth was  _ packed _ with people. Then again, it was entertaining that the stress had made them overlook the obvious question. “Captain,” she asked, “have we asked where the museum is? What if it’s close enough to walk?” Everyone looked at the captain and Will started to giggle.

“This is not funny, Number One!” Picard snapped, but Beverly and Geordi had also started to laugh, and soon Picard could not help but laugh too. They were all sweaty and somehow already dirty, standing in ripped uniforms in twenty-first century America, and they had started to investigate everything except their main goal. It was ridiculous.

Worf and Data stood over them, silently questioning why they were laughing, and, in Worf’s case, questioning their judgement in choosing now to go into a laughing fit. Especially the Captain, he was usually above such things.

“Well then, Captain, let’s find the museum first,” Worf grumbled, clearly upset they had wasted time finding out things they might not even have needed to know.

Picard went to answer, but was interrupted by a pedestrian pushing past him. They said nothing, and Picard harrumphed.

“Humans. They’re so impatient.” Deanna and Worf exchanged a glance and decided not to comment, and Picard approached another passerby, saying “excuse me, where is the Museum of Science?” 

The passerby snorted, “Look it up, dude,” and kept walking, his sneakers scuffing the dirty sidewalk. Picard’s agitation was growing, and he approached another one and said, “Would you mind telling me where the Museum of Science is?”

The passerby actually stopped this time and looked at him with a confused look before replying, “You mean the Academy of Sciences, right?” 

Picard shook his head. It was a simple question!  _ God, are all pre-warp humans this incompetent? _ “No, the Museum of Science.” The passerby shrugged and stuck their headphones back over their ears, walking away. Picard glanced helplessly at his crew, saying, “Maybe Q missed.”

Beverly and Will laughed dryly and Picard tried his luck one last time. “Excuse me, ma’am? Where’s the Museum of Science?” 

The passerby stopped and said, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Picard fought the urge to roll his eyes and said, “The Museum of Science, Boston.” 

The woman started to laugh and then stifled it when she realized that he was being serious. “Well man, you want a cross-country flight,” she joked, trying to lighten his mood. Picard was still trying to process this when she added, “you do know that you’re in San Francisco, right?”

Collective gasps came from the crew. Everyone knew San Francisco, the home of Starfleet Academy, was in California…

...and even Worf, least well versed in Earth geography, knew that Boston was not.

In fact it was nowhere near California.

Beverly, the most well versed in geography, spoke up, her voice low. “Jean-Luc… Q dropped us on the other side of the country.”


End file.
